Captains log; Stardate 11th Feb 2012..

I’m not in a good mood.
I can’t decide if it’s a bad mood... or a sad mood
Maybe by the end of the post...I will know

I’m in the kind of mood that makes me think I don’t care about anyone or anything
And that everyone is a complete and utter selfish bastard anyway
I’m in the kind of mood that makes me feel I want to hate. To cast out any inkling of love or compassion I may have because it’s futile.

My mood is not helped by the weather.
Right now... it’s fairly early...and I fucking hate the cold. The snow , no longer looks pretty to me, it’s now a pile of ice, which is a cover for dog poo and human spit.
Which is worse? The dog that has no control ...or the human who does.
There are times I think it may be common place in the not too distant future for humans to shit in the street also.
After all... they can’t seem to keep the spit in their nasty mouths

I’m in the kind of mood that makes me feel defensive.
Makes me feel like I have to guard myself against anyone who comes my way because they do not have my best interests at heart, and therefore cannot be trusted
I need to do some shopping but I refuse to step one foot outside in the cold today.
Especially if it involves carrying shopping bags.
So I will not be shopping.
The most I may muster up is a trip across the road....for the bare minimum
But anyone who lives with me will not eat as a result of anything I have done. I am not cooking... and quite frankly... I’m not hungry anyway.
I ‘m not sure what I will gain from being in this mood. But I don’t care. I don’t always feel the need to gain something.
I’m not ‘grabbalicious’.
Moods are funny things. Sometimes they creep up on you when you least expect it.
Me? I tend to teeter on the brink of being completely fucked off.
When I’m happy I’m happy when I’m not I’m not. Scratch that. This post must not contain the word 'happy' in it.
Happy is selfish; Its desire to consume your every waking moment every thought... thinking itself more important than any other emotion. .. Well it’s not.
Get thee behind me.
Happy is just one of many, and needs a reality check. Happy won’t save your ass in a war.
Hate now... or anger... just may.
I know why I’m in a bad mood. I always know if I’m honest.
My bad moods (aside from the god damn cold) are usually triggered by someone else’s bullshit. The type that becomes my bullshit. If I care enough.
Caring.
What the fuck is that?...
That six letter bastard word that we band about to make ourselves feel better.. reassured to hide the the fact that it's possible we really just dont give a damn..heathens that we are..
Caring.. is it perhaps overrated? Caring does very little.
Right now a heater would be more use to me...a heater and an au pair.
Than to care or be cared for.
A homeless man needs a home
A hungry man needs food
A jobless man needs a job
Caring..pah.
Did I tell you? I woke up in a bad fucking mood today?