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Sunday, 15 May 2011

Is it okay to be in a relationship yet still act single? should you maintain your single life even if your partner doesn't like it? ..

Hi all...I hope your weekend has been an enjoyable one! My Soulmate Sunday post today is on including your partner in your life.

Is it okay to still act as though you’re single even if you’re in a relationship?

Maybe I should define ‘acting like your single’... well... it’s difficult but I guess I mean spending lots of time on your own – never really mentioning your other half in conversation or even acknowledging they exist! Being a social butterfly when it suits and doing your own carefree thing.

It’s an odd one because I believe it's important to give the other person space – yet on the other hand - too much and it could seem as though you don’t care! – or you rather they went their own way...permanently.
If your other half doesn't like it and you continue nonetheless that really would be quite selfish don't you think?

I think problems sometimes arise when people act – not in a way they want to act but.. they act according to relationship ‘rules’ such as not appearing too eager - or whatever else they may have been told by friends or read in a book. Although advice can be useful it can also mess you up a bit in that what should be the most natural thing in the world suddenly feels like work and becomes stressful - and insincere.
Relationships in many ways tend to let you know their own unique needs/journey/tempo – and to be honest it's often quite normal for one person to feel a bit put out if their other half is not always on the same page.

It tends to be women who say things like ‘you’re not spending enough time with me’ or 'we don’t spend enough time together’ Men quite often tend not to ‘hear’ until it’s too late. Or - maybe - the feelings they have just aren’t strong enough. After all...when a man loves football he watches football right? When a man loves his friends he spends time with them right? When he loves his car he spends time with his car!
I guess what I’m saying today is – if you do have feelings for someone – let them know. If you want to spend time with them - do so. If you don’t feel that way – then maybe they’re just not the one… who knows?
I believe there’s someone for everyone – and you get more than one chance at love – to find that special person.
It’s always fun finding out – however - take care not to go breaking hearts recklessly

Happy SMSx

4 comments:

  1. I've got a friend whose gone from "I am doing" to "we are doing" whenever I ask whats up. while not a bad thing its like his identity has been subsumed. Each time I talk to him it somehow feels like I'm also talking to his wife.

    I suppose its a question of balance. Yes it is selfish and disingenuous to pretend you are single when you are not (probably up to something? certainly!). However one has to be careful not to lose that uniqueness of character, that individuality that probably attracted the partner in the first place.

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  2. I agree Chrome - I believe it's important to retain your individuality. Plus it can bring more variety and energy to the realtionship - more thinhgs to talk about and more things to learn from each other. Sometimes when relationships fail you hear people say things like..'oh they're just not the person I married!' It's good to encourage the person to pursue things that make them happy ( within reason!) and yes..cherish the thing that made you love them

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  3. I can definitely say that my last relationship probably lasted so long because I was encouraged to retain my individualism and this enabled me to have that all important me time very often.

    Looking back on things though I don't feel we as a couple we united enough on the together front which in the sense of the word perhaps was detrimental to the outcome of the relationship.

    Have I learnt from there yes, have I moved on yes, but will I be any different in another relationship most probably no because you need to work as a couple but most importantly don't lose yourself in something that as usual is dictated by society says we must do things this way and that......erh actually it only tkaes the two people in a relationship to tango so thats what matters!!!!!

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  4. If he never wants to introduce to friends or family then you may wonder why and suspect somethings up - so definetly you will want to feel as though you mean enough to him.. but other than the usual - no need to be in each others pocket all the time. There are times though when every ounce of you just wants to be with them - so long as it's mutual it's ok. If not - better chill

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